As is becoming Dick-athlon tradition, event 1 was the darts and in held in The Station pub. A tense night and an inauguration into a soul destroying brotherhood for Big Soup. The night was to throw up a few surprises, a few broken records, a drunken Moaning Middle Man, La Resistance being hit in the head, a frustrated Dick-athlon Cheat, A Man with No Name coming from nowhere and a can of Big Soup. The Results as follows.

The Dick-athlon Sh!thouse (38 throws) As he knew he would win the event The Dick-athlon Sh!thouse turned up. Thankfully, unlike last year, he turned up sober and without a wretched little creature that would have seemed more at home on Middle Earth. After La Resistance had broken his own record from last year it was down to The Dick-athlon Sh!thouse to show him he was Lord of the Arrows. This he did by setting a new Dick-athlon Darts record of 38 throws. After his last dart went in and beat La Resistance, Chairman Grass could not hold his emotions at bay and leapt onto La Resistance, forced his face into the chair and hit him repeatedly around the side of the head.

La Resistance (41 throws) Despite Chairman Grass witnessing some astonishingly poor 'arrows' from La Resistance in the run up to the event his deal with the devil paid off as he beat his record from 2009. Unfortunately for La Resistance Afsar's powerhouse performance was to push him into second place and obliterate his record into nothingness....almost as though it had never existed. The Man With No Name (46 throws) No Practice. No sight of 'his old friend'. No Shame. No Name. Big Soup (51 throws) This year's fake Dick-athlete started strong. Cheered on by his mascot, a genuine tin of Big Soup, he strolled home to fourth place. Chairman Grass (57 throws) Despite some extremely poor performances during the darts training sessions Chairman Grass achieved a sturdy score....but it's early days yet for this consistently poor performing Dick-athlete. Graham Taylor (58 throws) A disappointing evening for the football manager. Although a strong performer during the training sessions Graham Taylor could only manage a mid-table position on the night. More disappointing news on the leader board for Graham Taylor as 2 points are deducted for non attendance at both awards nights. Moaning Middle Man (71 throws) Turned up late and pi$$ed. Finished unsurprisingly in the middle of the results table. Continued on the road to ruin well after the event and was left slumped at a Bus Stop by The Dick-athlon Sh!thouse. The Lord of the Ring & The Dick-athlete's Dick-athlete (84 throws) Tense, Tense times. There were some who suspected the hobbling Lord of The Ring (injured in a football mishap that may have resulted from the pressures put upon him by Graham Taylor) would fail to complete the match but he rose to the challenge admirably and ended up tying with The Dick-athlete's Dick-athlete. In a tense showdown of three arrows each The Dick-athlete's Dick-athlete won out and secured a total of 50 to The Lord of The Ring's 26. Alpine Man / Farmer (102 throws) A strong start with his initial arrows was to be let down by his inability to hit the double top. Of his 102 throws, 60 were at the double top. For others this may be seen as a let down for the Alpine Man but for himself he secured a personal victory. The victory being that he was able to compete in event one as opposed to last year where the only thing he was throwing was a 'nasty mess' from both ends. Was unable to watch his fellow dick-athletes compete and unable to attend the Dick-athlon 2010 inaugural drinks that followed, due to the pressing matter of a podcast in a flat with a bloke. Mohammed Jones (120 throws) A very close shave for Mohammed Jones. Was extremely close to the 'inability to complete' zone occupied by The Dick-athlon Cheat but was saved when his very last throw hit the mark!! The Dick-athlon Cheat (Unable to complete) The Cheat's inability to throw accurate arrows last year continued into this year's event. The only Dick-athlete not to complete the contest. It all became clear why The Cheat became so frustrated in a training session leading up to the event, as he venomously spat out a rant at the sheer pointlessness of finishing with double top: What's the point of double top twice. It's fucking impossible. No-one's gonna do it. It should be one double top. Not fucking two. There should be a vote. FUCKING DOUBLE TOP TWICE!!!! POINTLESS. After hearing this, Chairman Grass suspected that the cheat may fiddle with the dart board to make double top easier to hit. After his performance it became clear that no cheating had taken place.