SAT 8th May 2010 & Sat 15th May 2010

Big Soup, The Man With No Name and Alpine Man / Farmer were to play on the 8th May while all other Dick-athletes opted for the 15th May.
Both sets of Dick-athletes had good weather conditions but due to the heinous weather at the beginning of the year only half the course was available for play.....at least that's what the excuse the fat tw@t groundsman gave.

Those playing on the 8th May had no problem in playing the last 9 holes twice. Money paid, Clubs and balls given, "off you go lads, play the last nine holes twice if ya like".
If only it was to be so easy for the second set of Dick-athletes. The fat tw@t groundsman was determined to make sure the competitors only went round once despite being told that (a) three dick-athletes had done the last 9 twice in practice weeks earlier and that (b) other dick-athlete's had been there the previous week. After the bitter <unt begrudgingly gave the dick-athletes the clubs the game was afoot.....

Dick-athletes' Dick-athlete - 61 Shots
A tremendous performance from this Dick-athlete. Averaging less than 3.5 on each hole he stole his way home. If not for the course being half closed, and a correct course score been taken, would have broken the record of 64 shots set by The Lord of the Ring in 2009.

The Lord of The Ring - 64 shots
A consistent player on this course, The Lord of the Ring had a stirling game finishing in 2nd place. His happy slapping antics of previous years were to come to haunt him in the pub, post event, as he was wrongly identified by The Chairman as the mystery Happy Slapper. After being the recipient of a military choke hold had a drink bought and was allowed to hit The Chairman three times in the stomach as way of apology. If the Chairman had realised that this was how Houdini had died he may have opted for a less violent solution.

Moaning Middle Man - 69 Shots - (Tie Break Winner)
Playing in the Loser Suit for the entire game did not hinder the Moaning Middle Man one bit. Stormed home to a third place (beating Graham Taylor due to more holes in twos achieved) position while simultaneously wiping the bitter taste of defeat dealt to him from event 3 - Clay Target Shooting.

The Peacemaker (formerly Graham Taylor)- 69 hits - (Tie Break Loser)
Despite an underwhelming first 9 holes Graham Taylor not only pulled back the final 9 holes but stepped between Mohammed Jones and The Chairman during the happy slapping incident to ensure it was nothing more than handbags that were raised. By his own admission "I was sh!tting 'em as I thought I was gonna get caught in the crossfire".

Spam Resistance - 71 shots
Once again Spam Resistance showed the Dick-athlete's that he means business. Despite moving to London, his place in the 2010 Dick-athlon is secure and at this rate....he'll be heading towards another medal finish as he finishes event 4 at second place on the leaderboard....with no joker played.

Big Soup - 72 shots
The only joker of the event.....in more ways than one. A mid table position ensures that Big Soup has achieved a quite average played joker. He also foolishly sent the incorrect score for Alpine Man via text meaning that the real loser of the day - The Dick-athlon Sh!thouse stayed out of the loser suit.

Chairman Choker (formerly Chairman Grass) - 75 hits
Despite a promising first 9 holes, The Chairman's confidence faltered as his second nine went downhill fast. The Chairman's temper was also fast in the pub after he incorrectly suspected The Lord of The Ring to be the dealer of the happy slap to his head. The over reaction was that of a special military choke hold learnt in 'Nam but was quickly withdrawn. When it was revealed to be Mohammed Jones there was much talk of respect (or lack of) before The Peacemaker (not George Clooney) moved in to calm things down.

The Man with No Name - 76 shots
The Man With No Name upped his game considerably from his 2009 effort of 91 shots. Still languishing in the bottom half of the table, but has been kept away from his 'old friend' once again.

Happy Slapping Mohammed Jones - 81 shots
Once considered a contender at this event, Mohammed underperformed considerably with his ball flying off into the rough more than one occasion. After the happy slapping antics, Mohammed and The Chairman hugged and made up, however, there was no way The Chairman was taking another three in the stomach for his Viet Cong Choke from Mohammed as well.

The Dick-athlon Cheat - 83 shots
Not this Dick-athlete's favourite event. Once again had to be watched for cheating antics when adding up scores and counting shots.

Alpine Man/Farmer - 84 shots - Tie Break Winner
After a stewards enquiry the 88 shots stated via text from Big Soup turned out to be a hoax and the actual score was 84. As this was learnt after the event it meant that the real loser of the day was not to enter the loser suit........but after the Moaning Middle Man had appeared to become quite attached to it may have been difficult to prise it off him.

Dick-athlon Sh!thouse - 85 hits - Tie Break Runner Up
One can only assume the pressure of his looming exams contributed to this poor performance. It has been said by some critics that with upcoming events such as rowing, his days at the top of the table are numbered and his decline on the leaderboard will be speedy. For not wearing the loser suit there was no penalty incurred due to Big Soup's hoax score texting.